Eurghhh...
"I'm sorry but I have to take you off my list," she said, as I was buying keropok lekor at the canteen yesterday after school. I stared at her, processing what she said. Duh, I know why. She told me it wasn't their fault, they just wanted the best for me, and if anything had happened to me they wouldn't forgive the school, yeah yeah it would disapoint me but I must know that in the end it is them that I owe, I'm lucky to have them yoda yoda.... I just nodded and nodded and nodded. I told her I understand. I listened to her reasons for a few minutes, then said thanks, turned away and walked out. I couldn't help feeling crushed. I knew I wouldn't be a Queens Guide. Let alone a good girl guide. But its okay. I did cried a little out of frustration but what's the use. I doesn't matter now. I mean, what mattered was the experience. I learnt a lot. That's what's important. Not the title, or the rows of badges that would have taken my whole life plus the need to sacrifice my social life to get. So what if I won't meet the Queen. So what if I won't get the tiny badge that all die hard girl guiders would kill for. I don't mind. At least I tried, even if I fail. I tried. I don't have to be all moody and cranky to the others. Its not their fault. They don't know what I feel like right now. I didn't tell them. I'll just pretend to be happy like always and soon I'll forget about it. I'll be fine. I will.
Next topic. Went swimming with my darling baby sis Zahara yesterday evening. I was doing my homework (what a miracle, if you know what I mean) when my mum said, "Bawaklah Zahara turun jalan-jalan, kesian dia boring duduk terperap kat rumah,". Then my dad said, "Let's take her for a swim,". So, I just went down, with the intention of accompanying my dad and the maid and the baby and nothing else. My dad already changed into his shorts. I thought he was gonna swim too. In the end, after watching my dad stuff the kid onto the ring float and just moving it side to side, front and back at the edge of the pool, I volunteered to go into the pool to let her have real fun. This is the adult pool we're talking about, not the babies. So, wearing a sweatshirt, long pants and tudung, I just went into the pool. I played with the miniature drama queen, letting her explore the whole pool. She was magnifique. Splashing and kicking her way, it was as if she was trying to paddle herself. I slowly release my hold from the float, and soon she was holding herself on it. My dad was so over protective of her (as he always is and always will be protective of us) that he wouldn't let me let her go from the float. Being the reckless sister that I am, I brought her far from my dad's sight and turned her to face me, with my back towards my dad. I told her to hold the float tight, and then I let go of her. She was perfect. She held onto the float herself, as I watched. Occasionally I would have to hold her again when she lets go. But she was great. She has talent to swim, that girl. Unafraid of deep waters, in fact loving it.
After half an hour, we went back home upstairs. I was drenched without a towel, but the little angel was snug in my dad's arm with her pink towel. Gave her a warm bath before I had my own shower. Then she was dressed in her pj's by her maid. My mom gave her her milk and soon she was leaning on my mom's shoulders as mom held her tight. She clung onto my mom, slowly drifting away. She's so beautiful. Long fluttery eyelash, huge bright eyes, cute pouty mouth. She'll grow up to be a beautiful girl.
She went back home to her mom this afternoon while I was in school. I'm so gonna miss her. She couldn't talk or walk the last time I saw her months ago, and last week when she came to stay she was already walking, but still unable to shake off crawling. And she's already talking like a miniature drunk, not making any sense in her baby words. How time flies. She is soooo unlike me as a baby. And I hope she'll never be like me.
That's all for today and yesterday's post.